On her birthday

It has been 2 since I got married. It happened on a roadside country chapel in coastal Andhra. Clad in immaculate white and a translucent veil, a girl entered the church. And also my life. Today is her birthday. I have no expensive gifts to enchant her with, except for this humble medium of writing-of expressing what she has meant to me and how life has changed since marriage. But then I realize that the lessons my wedding taught me have universal pertinence. That’s why these lines find place on a web page and not a private greeting card. On 5th June 2013, when my mother turned 50, I had made a covenant in the presence of God to share my life with my wife. Everyone told me life changes after marriage. They are right. Through the love and life of my wife, I have learnt these facts.

1.       Marriage is God’s idea:

I find it fascinating to see how marriage is a central pillar of all societies in this world. From Las Vegas where drunkards spell their vows in deep inebriation to West Bengal where an orthodox wedding spans 3 weeks; from China where the state sponsors mass marriages to tribal Odisha where the bride is kidnapped to be wedded, the manners may be different, but the idea is the same. Expenses may vary, but the felling of being married is the same. In spite of change from Stone Age to an age of 1 terabyte pen drives, marriages continue to happen and homes continue to be built. Because essentially is God’s idea. Man was created in the image of God. Yet He believed that it was not good for man to be alone. Then the idea from the very mind of an Omniscient God emerged this institution that man shall leave his father and mother to cleave to his wife.   Marriage therefore is sacred. Family is sacred. Even as cultures and media reflect a society that demeans the sanctity of marriage and sex, it is time that we remind ourselves that the old fashioned father, mother and children are not boring, but family is the cornerstone of the modern society. We cannot produce emotionally sound children beyond the confines of a wedding. Social sciences have ample evidence to prove that crime, addictions and murders are prevalent more in broken homes than otherwise. It is not a coincidence. It is the price we pay for breaking down God’s order in our lives.

2.       Marriage is hard work:

One thing that got drilled into my mind, early in family life is that marriage is hard work. Being a bachelor or a spinster we can accommodate irresponsible lifestyle for a while. I now salute all the parents of my previous generation who raised kids to adulthood. Now when I run my home, I recollect all the hard work my parents had put in to my life. House rent, water bill, electricity charges, cable TV fund, and school fee, travel expenses- anything and everything my dad took care of for 25 years. He would travel 18 hours to visit me only for an hour in boarding school. My wife today, thanks to her laggard husband puts in tremendous work. Her day starts with making tea for me and packing breakfast. Her day ends with washing the dishes of a delicious dinner. Meanwhile she buys vegetables, cleans house, recharges mobiles and handles finances. Any extra tasks I give her she does promptly. These are the chores all women do in their homes. But I think we seldom recognize the effort they put in to run our families. They are not appreciated. I want to thank my wife for the service she is doing to me.

             

3.       Marriage is love:

The Christian mandate for marriage can be summed up in two words- love and submission. Husbands are commanded to love their wives and wives are urged to submit to their husbands. Most problems in our family lives arise due to the lack of these qualities from each of the parties. Men are busy with work and have no time to love their spouses. Women love their husbands so much that they don’t want to submit to him due to fearful concern. Women are the weaker partners according to the Bible and for the very reason they need to be honored. Philip Yancey notes that- “All families go through tough moments. The weaker ones give way while the stronger ones hang on.” I regret those umpteen times when I did not understand my wife enough. I wanted tea though she is tired. I wanted dinner to be served though she has no time. But during these moments she acted in love and patience to avert a major crisis. Marriage means loving the other person as you. Marriage is being unselfish. Marriage is love in action.

4.       Marriage is for edification: 

The ultimate purpose of marriage is to make us better people both in the sight of men and God. The redeeming aspect of marriage is not very often talked about in our circles. If one of the partners is going astray, the other one brings him back. The timely reminders, the precise exhortations, the deep sharing and the daily prayers keep us on track where there are many distractions. Work at CMC had become so strenuous that often I wanted to give up. My wife always chipped in with her favorite line- “God is in control Tony!” Her presence and prayers have been my support during all those tense situations. The Bible rightly states that he who finds a wife finds favor. It is not because the guy had found one subordinate to produce offspring but because through her, God will work and move in his life drawing him closer. I believe the only question one needs to ask when considering marriage is this- “Does he/she draw me closer to God?”  We get so muddled about the right person but if we get this question right in confirmation with the Spirit in us, then we are making the right decision.

On my wife’s birthday I look back at all the good things that ever happened in my life and she is the best that has happened to me. I thank God!