A prejudice overcome

Does education make us better? It makes us cerebral beings, analytical beings but does it make us ethical? With all the knowledge it imparts to the otherwise peurile intellects, does it make us good people? 

Well, this is a story about a prejudice. The beginning of this episode goes back to 9 months from the time of writing. 

My wife was expecting our second child. Our first one is a daughter who is 3 years old now. She is the best gift I have received in my life. She was such a bundle of joy that my friends literally wrapped her in satin ribbon and presented to me in the maternity ward. As the excitement of our daughter caught hold of us and shaped our entire lives, some in our circles were not happy for having settled for the second best.

Now, my daughter is not diseased or ugly or retarded to feel so. Only that she is a daughter. I am a post graduate doctor and my wife also is equally qualified. Both our families have received western education and have taken up responsible jobs. I felt that the gender bias problem which is a malaise of the 'lesser  mortals' would not afflict my rational and modern family. After all education should make us more reasonable, and magnanimous. Or so I thought.

The expected date of delivery was on the 15th of May. And the celestial dance of stars was so against me that it was also the date of my first final examination for the MD degree. The small prayer I uttered then, had three cardinal pleas.

1. 'I want to have a son
2. I want my wife to have normal delivery
3. I want my wife to deliver on a date that would be least interrupting to my preparation'.

The desire to have a son was a natural occurrence, I must confess initially. Since i had a daughter already, a son would complete my parental experience. But I would not be obsessed about it, till the societal factors hit me like a storm.

My family began serious family prayers and pilgrimages to get the job done. Son will take the family name forward. Son will take care of you in your senile days. Son is a matter of pride. a daughter after all belongs to a different house. She is a liability than an asset. The 'son-only syndrome' infected me and my wife eventually.  As this psychological turmoil was unfolding on the young parents, the time for the  first scheduled ultrasound scan had arrived. 

The sonologist viewed the baby in usual planes of vision.

 'Should I ask her the sex of the child?', said my mind's voice.

 'It is criminal. You can be detained for that request. You are a doctor yourself. You cannot act so foolishly', my conscience was shouting.

"That is the very reason why the doc will divulge the sex of the child. Will you handle the stress of this chromosomal suspense ? You will not kill the fetus if it is a girl." the other side countered.

 "What is the dilemma of cosmic importance then? Ask and it shall be given", voiced my religious side.

After 10 minutes of navigating the probe over my wife's abdomen, the sonologist informed us that the baby was healthy with good cardiac activity. Adequate weight and no structural abnormalities. I did not dare ask her anything else. She did not reveal anything else.

My wife and I walked along the long corridors of the hospital disappointed, if I am brutally honest with you. My conscience caught me in a vituperative tone with this question- ' what a hypocrite you are Arun! With all the public display of rectitude you are upset that you did not know the sex of the child when you were made aware that the baby in the womb is growing as expected and is doing well?' what a moral downfall. What a plunge into the depths of evil!  I felt ashamed of myself.

That's what happens when prejudice eclipses truth. The joy of a healthy baby was extinguished by the efforts to meet familial expectations.

The next few months I would browse the net to look for signs that may indicate the sex of the child.' I am feeling very tired, unlike my first pregnancy', my wife would say. 'May be it is a boy this time', I would pitch in excitedly. 'Your neck is turning black. It was not so for the first one'. 'This must be a boy then.!' my wife would smile satisfactorily. Whom ever we meet would encourage us that it would be a boy. And those words would relieve us of our pressures.

Time and tide waits for none. So do child birth and examinations. Since my wife had a preterm delivery the first time, I was hoping she would deliver at least 2 weeks before the expected date. But this time, she carried through it all. It was sunday night and monday was my first exam. My mom had already reached home to be the cheerleader. This was a tricky time. I hoped Alice would hold on for one more week and I would be done with exams. 

4 hours before my first exam, her waters broke. I took her to the labour room, dropped her there and left for the exam. I knew that by conventional estimate, my second child would be born by the time I finished my exam.

Misfortunes don't come single. Adding to my paternal dishevelment, the question papers had not arrived on time. A million things were running in my mind. I had to close my eyes and calm my nerves. I now feel that delay was for me to settle down. To focus on the task at hand. To let things beyond my control into the hands of God. The still small voice in me whispered- You  fight the battle in this room. The battles outside will be taken care of. 

The paper was ok. After 3 gruelling hours, I handed the paper and ran out. I knew my second baby had arrived and my phone would be buzzing incessantly. I opened my bag, fished out my mobile and a message was blinking on the screen. All was well- the mother and the child were doing fine. 

Why do beliefs and traditions get the better of us even though we know they are not valid? I used to laugh at the ignorance of female foeticide in my land. Now I can understand how plausible it is in Indian society. If a PG doctor is worried that he may have another daughter, it is entirely reasonable for illiterates to terminate girl child. After seeing so many wonderful women as leaders, teachers, mothers, friends, wives and sisters- still there is a simmering discontent to have daughters.

May God help us to see that women or men, boy or girl- all are equal in worth and purpose. My daughter can be a Mother Teresa, a Indira Gandhi, a Kalpana Chawla, a Prathiba Patil. She can achieve what no son can ever do. She is no less. I am a proud dad of my  great daughter.

( I do not want to say the sex of my second. If it is a boy, this would be a prose of substantiation of prejudice and if it is a girl, this would turn out to be an attempt to moral high ground).