TELUGU WEDDING PART 2 - Side Effects


All phenomena on the planet have their set of side effects- the unwanted collateral damages they beget. Marriage is not immune to such predicaments. I am now writing this from a laced wooden cot- those sleeping equipment that make appearance in any ordinary south Indian home. I am thoroughly exhausted. The string of Nalugus has taken their toll on me. For five days and for fifteen meals to be exact, I have been eating only Chicken. I went to my aunt’s place. I got Chicken stew with fried rice. I went to my uncle’s place. I was fed Chicken fry and Coconut rice. I went to my sister’s place. I was given Chicken and white rice. So this made me, an ardent devotee of Chicken averse to its very smell. So yesterday, my bowels revolted against this gastronomic non sense. I puked. Then I had loose stools. From then, I had to decide between social obligations and medical compulsions. I had to choose between Chicken and abstinence. Normally that would have been an easy choice. But for a Telugu groom during his Nalugu season, this is a tough game on the cards.

We, the Telugus are shy people. We do not accept any invitation easily. We need some cajoling. We do not eat at first requests. We need a bit of pummeling and compelling before we make a move. No matter how hungry he may be, an ordinary Telugu will not heed to the initial request. We go to our relatives’ home at noon very much expecting a lunch. But when the host asks us to come over for food, we say, “Why did you take the trouble?” we want to have a favour but we are reluctant to accept it straight. So the host does not leave the guests as they are. They force the invitee to eat, drink, and accept the favour, at any cost. Literally at any cost! I said, “I have diarrhea. I cannot have chicken.” “How can a groom come to our home and leave without biting a piece of flesh? Bring the large leg piece!” May be the host thought I was shy. I was not. My bowels were ringing alarms that they badly needed a break. In another house, I literally had to give physical resistance to my host who was serving Vada after I just came out of the bathroom may be the nth time that day. “Mama, please forgive me. I am dehydrated. I cannot have oily food.” “What your dad told you not to eat in our house? Will you let me leave your house without eating?” was the immediate rejoinder. “If you have diarrhea, yes!” was my mild whisper.

I did not know how to read this tradition. Is it a social fanaticism to feed the guests like crazy? Or was it their strange way of showing love? I decided for the latter. A boy in their community is getting married and starting a new family. It is a happy occasion. Why should they not celebrate! And good food is an indispensable part of Telugu celebration. I think it is also the way in which relationships are strengthened. An avalanche of memories flooded my mind as I went to each home for Nalugu- the ceremonial baths. Those were the homes I played in when I came for summer vacations. The ponds we used to jump into, the streams we went fishing to,  the trees we used to climb to steal tender coconuts, were all visited thanks to these social occasions. And I met scores of old people. Septuagenarians, octogenarians, all touched my head as I bent down to their feet for blessings. “I saw you when you were an infant! You used to cry for every small thing.” I do not know if they really recognized me and whether senile dementia was affecting their memories. I smiled sheepishly at their remarks. 

Another side effect of Telugu wedding is the umpteen pairs of clothes you receive. Till the time of writing, I have received nine pairs of clothes. I dont have to buy clothes for the next five years as my fiancée comically noted. Each home I go to, I get clothes, of all ranges and of all types. From Allen Solly to local manufactured. The cost may differ but the affection they show had no difference. This was the best and deepest interaction I had with my native community since my childhood.


All this had a strong impact over me. For an introvert with let-me-mind-my-own-business mindset, this was a revelation. I cannot live in isolation. I need a society to live with. Love is the thread that should bind every thought towards others. And it is blessed to give than to receive. If you have money you give it, if you do not you can still give love and affection. No man is too poor to give nothing to others. And I should not be a dead end to all this benevolence and blessing. But I must be a channel through which this love must flow to others, more importantly to those who need it. Now I see the point of this pre marital social hullabaloo. It is not turmeric or chicken or Lungis or diarrhea. It is love and social bonding. And when we experience it in abundance even a selfish guy like me can give a thought about others. Telugus are loving people and it took me this long to discover.

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